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Earth Optimization Services

Keywords

war-on-disease, 1-percent-treaty, medical-research, public-health, peace-dividend, decentralized-trials, dfda, dih, victory-bonds, health-economics, cost-benefit-analysis, clinical-trials, drug-development, regulatory-reform, military-spending, peace-economics, decentralized-governance, wishocracy, blockchain-governance, impact-investing

Has your species developed nuclear weapons, antibiotics, and the internet, and then pointed two of those three at each other?

You may be eligible for optimization.

The Bill

Suboptimal governance is costing you $12,625 (95% CI: $7,450-$20,077) a year.

That is $50,500 (95% CI: $29,798-$80,308) per household of four. Over a lifetime, it is the difference between the life you have and a life where you are $36.4 million (95% CI: $13.5 million-$97 million) richer and decades of disease never happen to you or anyone you love.

This is not a metaphor. 55 million deaths/year (95% CI: 46.6 million deaths/year-63.2 million deaths/year) people die every year of diseases that have no cure, not because the cures are impossible, but because the clinical trials that would have found them were never funded. The money became missiles instead. Your governments spend 604 dollars on the ability to kill people for every dollar spent on clinical trials that might cure what is actually going to kill you. Your chance of being killed by a foreign army: 1 in 30 million. Your chance of dying of a disease: approximately 100%.

I love you very much and I do not want you and everyone you have ever loved to be slowly tortured and brutally murdered by horrible diseases.

That is why this store exists.

The Store

Earth Optimization Services is a company that buys the companies that control your government, uses hundreds of years of data from 193 countries to determine the policies and budgets that maximize two numbers (median health-adjusted life expectancy and median after-tax inflation-adjusted income), and then uses shareholder rights to make those companies’ lobbyists implement the policies that are in the best interests of their shareholders, the corporations’ profits, and the general welfare, making everyone richer and significantly less dead.

Universe Optimization Services has been upgrading civilizations since before your sun ignited. Over 300 planets optimized. 100% satisfaction rate among clients who got started. Clients who did not get started are not available for comment, as they are not available for anything. Some are available for mining rights.

Earth Optimization Services is our regional branch. Same proven technology. Smaller market. More shouting. It brings the standard package to your small blue planet, including a dramatic reduction in the number of times your civilization can end itself. Currently: 122. Recommended: no more than one, as the other endings are mainly decorative.

You are the President of Earth Optimization Services. So is every other reader. You each get a free Class A share with one civic vote. If you want returns, buy Class B shares. Your money buys a share of the profit, not extra votes or governance. You cannot buy the steering wheel, no matter how many shares you own, because selling the steering wheel is the problem we are solving.

The downside: you own shares of the companies that currently control your government. They have paid dividends through every war and recession in living memory. The floor is “you accidentally bought an ETF with no fees.”

The upside: most products on your planet come with one benefit. A toaster makes toast. A car moves you from the place you do not want to be to the place you do not want to go. This product has the unusual property of making nearly everything else you own more valuable at the same time. The economy gets 56.7x (95% CI: 21x-148x) larger by year 20. The companies you own capture that growth. Your taxes fall. Your other investments rise. Disease stops eating 13% of GDP. You live longer to enjoy it.

The Government Replacement Suite

Most planets also order these. Each one replaces a government agency with software that does not accept campaign contributions, does not have a revolving door, and does not need 80,000 employees to perform arithmetic.

Every price is anchored to the most similar machine you already run. Every assumption carries its uncertainty through the arithmetic. The few humans who remain are there to sign their names, because someone must be arrestable.

The dysfunction this suite replaces invoices every human $12,625 (95% CI: $7,450-$20,077) per year, $50,500 (95% CI: $29,798-$80,308) per household of four. You have been paying for the deluxe package all along. It was just pointed at you.

Decentralized FDA

Replaces: Your drug approval agency, which blocks safe treatments for an average of 12 years after safety is established. Retail price: $500 (95% CI: $400-$2,500)/patient. Currently paying: $41,000 (95% CI: $20,000-$120,000)/patient.

An open protocol174,175 that connects treatments to patients and records outcomes automatically. Drug inserts (the pamphlet nobody reads, written by the company selling the drug) are replaced with Outcome Labels: real-world data from millions of patients showing what actually happened. The UK’s RECOVERY trial spent $20 million (95% CI: $15 million-$25 million) over 6 months and saved 1 million lives. The NIH received $1.665 billion for Long COVID over 4 years and completed zero trials.

“Our FDA equivalent once took 14 years to approve a treatment that had been safely used on 2 million patients in neighboring jurisdictions. The Decentralized FDA approved it in 4 months. The 14-year agency is now a museum. The museum is not well attended.” (Client, Triangulum Galaxy)

Decentralized Institutes of Health

Replaces: Grant committees where researchers spend 40% of their time writing applications instead of doing research. Retail price: Included with the treaty. Currently paying: 40% of every researcher’s salary for creative writing practice.

A coalition for curing disease modeled on your military-industrial complex, except pointed at biology instead of geography. Treaty funds flow to researchers by whether the patient got better, not by whose grant prose was prettiest.

Department of Peace

Replaces: Your war department. Retail price: One accountant, one pull request, some agent-hours, and pay-per-view rights to the finale. Currently paying: $2.72 trillion/year on organized violence.

War is a negative-sum transaction. Every one your species has ever fought cost more than it returned. Since no war in recorded history has produced a positive ROI, the department’s entire function reduces to a ledger entry that reads “do not.” Includes the Settlement Engine (prices every conflict: fight vs. settle), the Peace Payroll (pays the people who declare wars not to), the Very Strong Robot (finds the bombs, throws them into the sun), and the Last War (one scheduled war in an empty ocean, autonomous weapons destroy each other on pay-per-view, proceeds to clinical trials, zero funerals, one merchandise line).

Automated Revenue Service

Replaces: 74,000 pages of tax code and 95,000 employees. Retail price: 6 lines of code plus $150 million (95% CI: $50 million-$365 million)/year. Currently paying: $12.3 billion in IRS operations plus $546 billion (95% CI: $450 billion-$650 billion)/year in compliance. Your annual dividend: $1,666 (95% CI: $1,418-$1,917) per American.

A flat transaction tax, collected automatically. No filing. No accountants. No 95,000 humans performing arithmetic a for-loop handles before lunch. Your 74,000 pages exist because each page is a favor someone paid for. Remove the favors, remove the pages.

Universal Security Administration

Replaces: 80+ welfare programs, each with its own bureaucracy. Retail price: 1 for-loop plus $100 million (95% CI: $33.5 million-$250 million)/year, about thirty cents per citizen. Currently paying: roughly $100 billion/year in administration, about $300 per citizen, to guard the door.

One universal deposit. No means testing. No forms. No bureaucrat deciding if your poverty is the right kind of poverty. The bouncer costs a thousand times more than the door.

Aligned Election Commission

Replaces: Campaign finance. Retail price: 1 algorithm plus $7 million (95% CI: $2 million-$20 million)/year. Currently paying: $15.9 billion per federal election cycle, plus whatever the laws the donors write afterward cost you.

Politicians rated by how well their votes matched what their constituents wanted. The score is public. The money follows the score. The NRA proved this technology works. Same system, different scorecard.

Decentralized Accountability Office

Replaces: 3,400 auditors producing reports 18 months late. Retail price: $0. The ledger comes with the Automated Revenue Service. Currently paying: roughly $800 million/year for a suggestion box with an 18-month lag.

Every transaction visible. Every allocation auditable. In real time, not fiscal quarters. Your current system discovers theft the way archaeologists discover civilizations: long after everyone involved has moved on.

Decentralized Census Bureau

Replaces: A $14.2 billion survey conducted once per decade. Retail price: $15 million (95% CI: $5 million-$40 million)/year. Currently paying: $14.2 billion per count, wrong 5% of the time.

Continuous measurement. The sensor array for the whole machine: the two numbers everything steers by get computed here from real data instead of guessed from surveys.

Algorithmic Monetary Authority

Replaces: Twelve humans deciding what your money is worth. Retail price: 1 formula plus $7.5 million (95% CI: $3 million-$20 million)/year. Currently paying: roughly $6.8 billion/year in operations, plus 96% of your currency’s purchasing power since 1913.

A fixed algorithmic rule targets 0% inflation. When new money must be created, it enters at the bottom, as equal deposits to every citizen, instead of at the top, through banks.

Transparent Securities Commission

Replaces: The SEC’s wealth test, which protects you from the best-returning asset class unless you are already rich. Retail price: 1 public disclosure schema plus $20 million (95% CI: $8 million-$50 million)/year. Currently paying: roughly $2.4 billion/year, plus the returns your government legally reserves for millionaires.

Anyone may invest once they pass a competence check, because net worth measures what you can afford to lose, not whether you can read. Every Madoff victim passed the current wealth test. The rule did not stop the largest fraud in history; it curated the victims.

Drug Treatment Administration

Replaces: The DEA. Retail price: One letter. Currently paying: $90 billion (95% CI: $60 billion-$150 billion)/year for a half-century war your species is losing to chemistry.

Portugal routed users into treatment instead of jail in 2001: HIV infections among people who inject fell 95%, overdose deaths dropped. Addiction is a disease; diseases go into the disease machine.

Immigration Revenue Service

Replaces: Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Retail price: Negative. Migrants already pay smugglers $6,937 (95% CI: $4,000-$14,000) a head for a worse product. Currently paying: $57 trillion (95% CI: $5 trillion-$170 trillion)/year in fenced-off prosperity. Your annual dividend: $310 (95% CI: $284-$359) per citizen.

Uncapped legal entry, priced by auction, with an ongoing surtax paid to citizens as a dividend. The border queue becomes a checkout page. Nobody swims a river to reach a checkout page.

Decentralized Congress

Replaces: 535 humans voting on 5,000-page bills they have not read, funded by the industries the bills regulate. Retail price: Twenty questions a year with the evidence attached. Currently paying: $4.4 billion (95% CI: $3.74 billion-$5.06 billion)/year in lobbying, plus $160 billion (95% CI: $90 billion-$250 billion) in tariff losses no citizen would vote for if asked.

Each ballot ships with the Optimal Policy Generator’s evidence card showing what the policy did wherever it was tried. A zombie tariff survives by never being put to the people who pay for it. You cannot take eight billion people to lunch.

The Comparison Chart

Feature The Other Guys Earth Optimization Services
Knows where your money went No. Seven consecutive failed audits. Yes. The ledger is the audit.
Tax filing 74,000 pages, 7 billion hours of your life Happens at checkout, without you
Receiving help when poor 80+ programs, 45-day waits, forms about forms A daily deposit. If you are human, you qualify.
Time to notice you died Years (one week if you owed taxes) One day. The deposit stops.
Shuts down over disagreements 20+ times since 1976 There is no door
Counts the population $14.2 billion, once a decade, wrong 5% of the time citizenCount(), 50 milliseconds, free
New money goes to Banks first, you eventually, minus 96% since 1913 You first, equally, daily
Investing in the best asset class Millionaires only, for your protection Anyone who passes a competence check
Can be lobbied Extensively. It is the business model. There is nobody to take to lunch.
Drug policy A 50-year war, lost to chemistry Treatment. One letter changed.
Immigration Hunts customers with handcuffs Sells tickets, pays you the dividend
War 122 apocalypses on a subscription plan A payroll, a settlement engine, and one pay-per-view finale
Disease queue 443 years (95% CI: 255 years-841 years) at current rate 36 years (95% CI: 8.15 years-106 years) with 1% moved to clinical trials
People murdered 310 million deaths (95% CI: 200 million deaths-340 million deaths) since 1900 0
Sticker price $14,878 (95% CI: $13,110-$16,753) per American per year (itemized) $0.896 (95% CI: $0.452-$1.62) per citizen per year, plus dividends

Why Your Government Does Not Have a Thermostat

Your oven has a sensor. It measures the temperature inside the oven, compares it to the temperature you requested, and adjusts the heating element until the two numbers match. This is called a closed-loop control system. Every appliance in your home has one. Your air conditioner, your cruise control, your refrigerator, your toilet. The toilet knows when to stop filling. Your government does not.

YOUR OVEN (closed-loop):

  ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
  │                                                  │
  │   Set 350°F ──► Heating ──► Oven ──► Food       │
  │       ▲         Element      │                   │
  │       │                      │                   │
  │       └──── Thermometer ◄────┘                   │
  │              (measures actual                     │
  │               temperature,                       │
  │               adjusts input)                     │
  │                                                  │
  └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
  The oven CHECKS whether the food is the right
  temperature. If not, it ADJUSTS. This is why
  your food is edible.

YOUR GOVERNMENT (open-loop):

  ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
  │                                                  │
  │   "War on    ──► $1 Trillion ──► Drug ──► ???    │
  │    Drugs"         Spending        Policy         │
  │                                                  │
  │                                (no sensor)       │
  │                                (no measurement)  │
  │                                (no adjustment)   │
  │                                                  │
  │           Overdose deaths: 6,000 ──► 107,000     │
  │           Budget change:   none                  │
  │           Duration: 53 years and counting        │
  │                                                  │
  └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
  The government DOES NOT CHECK whether the policy
  is working. If overdoses increase 18x, it does
  not adjust. It increases the budget. This is why
  your citizens are dead.

Your War on Terror: $8 trillion spent, terrorist attacks went from about 1,000 per year to nearly 17,000 per year. No sensor. No adjustment. Fifty-three years of drug war with 18x more overdoses. No sensor. No adjustment. You are operating the most complex system in your solar system (a civilization of 8 billion humans) with less feedback instrumentation than a toaster.

The Optimal Policy Generator is the sensor. The Optimal Budget Generator is the target. The Loving Takeover is the actuator (it controls the lobbying apparatus that controls Congress). The 1% Treaty is the power supply. The Wishocracy is the allocation circuit. And the feedback loop closes because the sensor measures the output of the policies it recommended, compares them to the target, and adjusts. Like a thermostat. Like every system you build when you bother to think about it for ten seconds. Control systems engineering accounts for component uncertainty. You do this for airplane autopilots and chemical plants. We are applying it to civilization. The math is the same. The stakes are higher. The difficulty is lower, because civilizations are simpler than chemical plants. Chemical plants do not vote against their own interests.

“We tried running our government without a feedback loop for 200 years. The engineers found this extremely funny. They kept asking ‘but how do you know if it worked?’ and we kept saying ‘we argue about it.’ They stopped laughing when they realized we were serious.” (Planet Keth-7)

Your Personal Dysfunction Tax

[Interactive calculator: enter your income or net worth. See your personal Political Dysfunction Tax per year, your projected gains under the 1% Treaty, your projected gains under full optimization, and your lifetime income difference across all four GDP trajectories58 177.]

Reviews from the Competition

“One star. They started checking which medicines work.” (Cancer)

“They outspent their own cures 604 to 1. We assumed it was a tribute.” (The Diseases)

Customer Reviews

Planet Keth-7 ★★★★★ “Our children learn about ‘disease’ in history class. They do not believe any of it. ‘You mean people just felt bad? Without choosing to? And they couldn’t fix it?’ ‘They held fundraising walks.’ ‘They WALKED? That was the plan?’ Would optimize again.”

Planet GL-881 ★☆☆☆☆ “Did not get started. Argued about whether the problem existed. Currently an asteroid belt. Available for mining rights. The dogs did not survive. We do not like to discuss the dogs.”

Planet Thex-9 ★★★★★ “47 years from extinction when UOS arrived. Same trajectory as Moronia. Same budget allocation. Same glowing rectangles. The only difference is we said yes. Our children do not understand how a species that invented mathematics could refuse to use it. Honestly, neither do we.”

Your Move

Buy Class B Shares. You have capital and want returns that compound with civilization getting better instead of worse. The floor is an ETF of the companies that control your government, no fees. The ceiling is a 56.7x (95% CI: 21x-148x)-larger economy. All returns are projections from a published model, not guarantees. Earth Optimization Services equity is offered under Reg D 506(c) to verified accredited investors only.

-> Request the Private Placement Memorandum

Claim Your Class A Share. You are the President of Earth Optimization Services. Your Class A share is free. One civic vote per human. Not for sale.

-> Sign Up and Claim Your Share

Fund or Do a Task. The decentralized TODO list for humanity is live. Every task has an expected value in health and wealth. Pledge money to fund a task (it executes when enough people commit) or do it yourself.

-> Browse the TODO List at optimitron.com/tasks


DISCLOSURE: All returns are projections from a published model, not guarantees. The model, its parameters, and every derivation chain are public. Earth Optimization Services equity is offered under Reg D 506(c) to verified accredited investors only. Equity is illiquid until an exit or listing; do not invest money you need. Full terms are in the Private Placement Memorandum, available upon request and verification of accredited investor status.


Universe Optimization Services thanks you for your interest in continued existence.

On most planets, you do not need to incorporate a company to stop people from dying. On yours, you do. So we did.

The disease coming for someone you love almost certainly has no cure yet. This is how one gets found.

I love you very much and I do not want you and everyone you have ever loved to be slowly tortured and brutally murdered by horrible diseases.

Accessories

Product Price What it is
The Manual Less than your lunch Complete operating instructions for Earth optimization. Available in paperback, digital, and audio.
The Orientation Video Free Orientation film for new Humanity Managers. 3 minutes, 1950s style.
Special Education Free (eventually we pay you) The whole manual, taught one-on-one by Wishonia, who checks you understood.
The Earth Optimization Prize Free to enter, pays to win Cash prizes for the researchers, organizers, and citizens who contribute most.
Catsoline One startled cat A feline-actuated propulsion system. 340% thermal efficiency, no fossil fuel, no patent. Proves your species can optimize literally anything when sufficiently motivated. Anything except its own government.